What the heck is going on out there!

Considering our ubiquitous media, reality programs and Springer-type shows, I've been saying for a long time that it's just about impossible to write satire anymore. How can you possibly outdo all of the mind-blowing weirdness we witness on a daily basis nowadays? And for free!

Each time one of these hot new writers from New York publishes what he thinks is an acidic condemnation of our trashy society, fancying himself a latter-day Heller or Vonnegut, I shake my head. Another naïve boy just out of private school, who missed the boat by two decades.

Am I harsh? Think about

• Watching OJ being chased on an LA freeway, live.
• Being a Google click away from fresh gynecological-quality photos of Lindsay and Britney only hours after each new bender. (That's painful to think about, sorry.)
• Viewing real carnage from the tip of a laser-guided missile, a guerrilla's camcorder or a terrorist's webcam?

I ask you, how is some upper-middle-class literary mope in a turtleneck going to top the freak show called Real Life?

The same holds true for filmmakers. Even the wildest, most imaginative ones, like Robert Rodriguez. He's given us some truly memorable moments from seriously bizarre scenarios. (Salma Hayak the vampire comes to mind, growlll.)

For instance, Rodriguez's last film, Grindhouse, featured a female character whose prosthetic leg was a machine gun. Goofy ... mind-tripping, right?

Yes, but welcome to the real world. Here is the real jungle, where that sort of thing is no big whup.

Exhibit One. I'd gotten wind of a story about a woman who was beaten with her own artificial leg. Not beaten as in poker or chess -- but beaten as in black and blue. I had to check this out.

Turns out it's not quite true, but almost as strange. An 18-year-old Elyria, Ohio, woman, Gina McKee, bravely confronted a man who allegedly swiped another's wallet at a mini mart. The gallant, Lemuell Voorhees, 45, yelled at and punched McKee. She went toe to toe with him, giving him right back, so first he threw his bicycle at her. Charming. But then he took off his fake leg and allegedly clunked her with it!

The story ends well. McKee sustained only a minor hand injury. Voorhees is apprehended. I assume the leg goes with him, and not to the evidence room.

See the news video here.

For more details, read the news story here.

Weird enough. But as I searched, I found this story from Burbank, in south suburban Chicago. A group of teenage boys attacked a 15-year-old and his friends with the kid's own prosthetic leg.

D.J. Choate was jumped by some drunk guys in a car. They took his artificial leg and beat Kyle Keene, who had tried to help his friend D.J. Keene was taken away in an ambulance, and Choate was left hobbled for days without a leg.

That's right, another prosthetic leg attack! One attack is an isolated incident, but is two attacks considered a "wave"? Is there a roving gang of prosthetic leg attackers?

Choate felt upset and violated, understandably, but within days, enough donations from the community, hospitals, and Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, had poured in to purchase a $5,000 replacement leg. Keene was discharged from the hospital. The boys identified their attackers in a lineup. A random act of teenaged violence.

You'll find the video, story and photos here.

Truth is stranger than fiction.